Adpating equals peace and unity......

 Seeds for a Harvest of Peace and Unity

This post comes from Pastor Joel Osteen's wife, Victoria Osteen. Her website is http://www.victoriaosteen.com/. I think this came at perfect timing as I am currently reading, "The 5 Love Languages" By, Gary Chapman. It's a great book and I think it's a MUST read. All of our communications styles can need a lil bit of altering from time to time. This will allow us to adapt to the people around us to form the best relationships possible. Please enjoy this post.

March 30, 2012

Not long ago, Joel and I were visiting with some friends in California, and I began sharing a funny story about something that had happened to us during our travels. One of our friends started laughing and nodding his head just as I was getting into the good part, so I paused and asked, "Have you heard this story before?"

"Yes," he answered, "three minutes ago when Joel told it. But please continue because your version is much funnier. Joel didn't share all of those details with us!"

Now, it's no secret that men and women communicate differently, and Joel and I are no exception. It doesn't mean that one of us is better than the other; it simply means that we're wired differently. So we have to learn how to adapt to one another's communication style. Over the years, I've learned that Joel doesn't like hearing every single detail of a story even though I do. I want to know exactly what was said, who said it, how they said it, and what they were wearing! That's why it can take me fifteen minutes to tell a story that Joel can tell in two minutes flat! Knowing this, I try not to tell him every detail, although it's not always that easy.

One time, I was enthusiastically telling Joel something that I thought was important, and just as I was getting to the good part, I noticed his eyes beginning to glaze over. So I began talking faster and faster, attempting to get the whole story out before I "lost him," but it didn't do any good. Finally I said, "You don't want to hear all of this, do you?"

It wasn't what he said; it was how he looked. I could tell by his body language that I lost him after the first three minutes. At first I got frustrated and thought, I am not telling him anything anymore! But of course, that didn't last. So I just made the necessary adjustments in my communication with him, and now I try to tell him only the most important details of the story. (You and I know he's missing the real juicy parts!) When I see his eyes start glazing over, I don't get upset. It's just my clue that he is going into "detail overload," so I adapt to his communication style.

Maybe you're reading this and thinking, "Victoria, why would you change yourself in order to please Joel?"

The truth is that I'm not changing who I am; I'm changing the way I communicate so I can have a better relationship with my husband. I want Joel to hear me, so I adapt to the way he listens best. It is good for me and good for him.

What can you do to adapt your communication style to others? When you put others first, you are sowing good seeds that will produce a harvest of peace and unity in the relationships in your life!

"Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another" (Romans 12:10, NKJV).